Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Taking a breather

So I made a decision yesterday and that was to close Patchworkdelights for a while.

I have been feeling very unwell for the last year, during the summer it was all good and then in the last couple of months things got very dark. 

My body was trembling, I had trouble sleeping, I was in a dark mood with crying on nearly a daily basis.  Then this week as soon as I woke I would feel a hot burning tingling sensation creep up from my toes to the roots of my hair and I thought to myself, here we go again.  Monday just gone was basically spent in bed.  People who know me know that I am not a bed person, I'm up when I'm awake and that's that.  The doc told me to make sure I get out for a walk.  This is easier said than done.  I literally couldn't get out of bed, never mind go for a walk.  And that's not being smart, my mind wasn't letting me!

Hubby was off yesterday and when I came back from the school run I just burst in to tears (again).  I'd had enough of this mood.  Last week my doc put me on medication for extreme anxiety.  As I lay in bed yesterday morning (again) thinking I can't have another day like this, I thought to myself, what is causing me to stress.  Well the fact that PD will be running on its own in six weeks and I can't make a proper living on this business was the nub of it.  A wake up call, shut the shop down for the moment and rethink everything. 

I will be starting back at work temping in November.  Even though sometimes you get tired of different characters in the workplace and the office politics, there is a lot to be said for them at the same time.  It's company, it's a social occasion, ok we are there to work, but there is mostly banter at some point, it's having a routine and so much more.

I realise that I am not a stay at home mum, I take my hat off to the men and women that do this job every day.  Running a business and a family is hard.  I decided that I need a routine in my day and then I can manage my family better and perhaps run the business in that order when i am in a routine.

I met a friend for coffee today after taking Toffie for an hour long walk and she agreed, when you are in a dark place, call a spade a spade in a depression, people trying to talk you out of it mean well, but you need to find a way out yourself too.  It's good that people care, but my hubby was talking to me yesterday and I couldn't connect with his positivity and help.  Then when I was in bed, thinking, I made a conscious decision about the shop.  As soon as I did it I felt a weight lift off me, off my legs, off my arms, off my face.  Off my MIND!

I'm not an expert, I'm talking about my experience which has been horrible, today is a good day and I hope tomorrow is a good day.  That's all I can go on.

Will Patchworkdelights be back?  Yes, but a different type of Patchworkdelights. 

So for now, I am going to sew when the mood takes me and make things for me and my family.  And hopefully I will reopen PD with a replenished shop soon!

 

11 comments:

  1. Oh Fi! I sense you already know you have made a big, brave and wise decision, and I wish you all the luck and love in getting back to where you want to be xxx

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  2. Fi I'm so glad you feel better after making that very tough decision. I totally get you on the pressure, I feel it too at times and that's just the blog, not even trying to run a business! Mind yourself and you know where we all are when you are ready to come back xx

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  3. I am sure it is the right decision for you if you are already feeling better! You are a brave gal to admit that life isn't always perfect and that you have some struggles. HUGS and here's to a brighter tomorrow!

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  4. so sorry that life has been so rough. Wishing you all the best as you refocus and work out where you want to be xx

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  5. Very well done, Fiona, on making a decision. That is no easy thing when depression and/or anxiety have you firmly in their grip. Please take good care of yourself and remember that it is OK to focus on what your needs are. Sending you some great big Bossy hugs from someone who understands. ((((( )))))

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  6. Sorry to hear you are struggling. In the end your health and wellbeing are the most important. Take care, one step at a time!

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  7. Giant hugs from across the pond.
    Taking care of yourself is the only way you can take care of everyone else

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  8. A very brave decision to make: well done. And you know it's the right one. I was never a stay at home mum, through nessessity, but I don't think I could have stayed home all day every day. Don't be hard on yourself, I can guarantee you've made the best choice x

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  9. Just saw this now Fiona. Yourself and family come first. They are the most important. I sometimes find bees and swaps stressful let alone a shop to run and having orders. I have told myself that it is better that when I do get time to sew, it has been for me and I am a lot more relaxed about when I can get time for me. Better days are ahead and I promise to meet up soon.

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  10. You made the right decision! Your health and family always come first. It's always good to take a break from 'crafting' {or business} once in a while then you can come back with more brighter and fresher ideas. All the best!

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